Yesterday at the Darwin Waterfront, a young staff member asked me a simple question that caught me off guard: “Do you need a wheelchair to get in?”. To my own surprise, I found myself saying, “Yeah, maybe?”
It was a tentative answer to a question I have spent a long time avoiding. For the last few years since my amputation, I have bypassed the aquatic wheelchairs available at the Cook + Phillip Park Pool in Sydney.
Instead, I settled into a routine of sitting near the edge, removing my prosthesis, and scooting across the tiles on my bum to reach the water. I did this much like a child might—a method that felt functional, if not particularly dignified.
I have often wondered if there was a psychological block behind this habit. Perhaps there was a lingering reluctance to embrace another piece of mobility equipment, or a desire to keep my transition into the water as low-profile as possible, even if it meant more physical effort. Whatever the reason, that reluctance seemed to melt away under the relentless Darwin sun. The nature of the wave pool, with its gentle sliding entry, finally convinced me to give the chair a go.
Taking off my prosthesis and hopping into that lightweight plastic chair turned out to be a revelation. As I rolled forward, I felt a lovely sense of confidence that I hadn’t expected. There is something uniquely peaceful about sitting still while the water gradually rises to meet you, slowly covering your legs and lower body in a cool embrace. It removed the struggle of the “bum-shuffle” and replaced it with a graceful, fluid transition into the pool.
Darwin wave pool
I hadn’t quite anticipated the physics of the situation, though. As I reached a certain depth, the combination of the waves and the buoyancy of the lightweight chair caused it to start floating. Suddenly, I found myself tipping backwards, a brief moment of instability that could have been alarming. But in the spirit of the day, it was fine. I recovered as best I could, and the sheer joy of being in the wave pool far outweighed the minor tumble.
The heat up here has been significant, making an afternoon swim at the Waterfront feel like a necessity rather than just a luxury. This experience has shifted my perspective entirely. What I once viewed with a strange hesitation has now become a tool for independence and enjoyment.
It’s been a funny year. It’s been a mixed year. It’s been a year of ups and downs. Mostly it’s been a pretty good year, though there have been times. Yes, there have been times…
I started the year catching a flight back from Lismore to Sydney. I’d been in Lismore for about ten days visiting the family. The night before I’d gone to Tropical Fruits New Year’s Eve Party. It was okay, I guess, though not really “my scene”. A little too much doof-doof music and party-drugs for my liking. The first thing I said to a friend on arriving back in Sydney, was “I won’t be doing Tropical Fruits again”.
Tropical Fruits NYE at Lismore Showground
No, this year on NYE, I will find myself back in Perth, which is where I lived in 2004. I’ve travelled a fair bit this year, actually, including a couple of visits to Brisbane (February, October and November), and a couple of trips to Lismore (April and December), and a trip to Crookwell (in October) for a wedding
The biggest trip, of course, was my trip to Stockholm in July/August. As with much of my travel planning it was a spur of the moment decision based on a cheap air-fare. I remember coming home on a Friday night and clicking on one of those “cheap airfare emails” you get, and discovering a flight with Air China return for $1474. $1474 return to Stockholm in the middle of summer was a bargain too good to resist. And so even though I had no real plans to travel to Sweden this year, I booked my flight as soon as my travel leave was approved.
Stockholm Pride on Expressen
It was a memorable trip in lots of ways, though mostly because of my accommodation. When I travelled in 2008, I was a “backpacker”. When I travelled in 2010, I was staying in hotels. This time around, I found an apartment that was well-priced, clean, and not too far from the centre of Stockholm. The combination of these three things meant that I could relax without the need to change accommodation on a regular basis. Even though I was only there for three weeks, it was great to have a “home base” to wash clothes, go to the supermarket and so on, thus taking away some of the usual travel anxieties. On top of that, my friend Graeme was also in Stockholm which added to the “home feel” of things.
Alcazar performs at Stockholm Pride
In the back of my mind, 2012 has always been the year in which I went to live in Sweden for a while. Maybe six months? Maybe a year? I’m reasonably sure that’s a goal I can’t/don’t want to realise for 2012. The reason why is purely financial, in that I’m in a reasonably good “earning cycle” right now, and would like to keep on earning money for the time-being, rather than spending it. On another level, I’m still not happy enough with my Swedish language skills and figure an extra six months of study is definitely needed. In my mind, I’ve pretty much firmed up that I would like to live there for six months, arriving in March and leaving in September or October, as that’s the time of year which seems to suit my temperament best, I think.
Graeme at Stockholm Pride
In some ways the trip to Sweden this year was more “life-changing” than I anticipated it would be. I met a guy in Stockholm who helped remind me I’m still attractive, despite getting older. “Don’t worry, he likes the old ones”, his friend told me. What has proceeded is a period of my life where I have been pursued by a couple of potential suitors. There’s been no one amongst them who I’ve felt similarly attracted to, which is a bit of a shame. But nonetheless, I think it’s been nice to have a reminder that I’m not exactly over the hill.
Although I’d like to think it’s because I’m an interesting, fascinating individual perhaps it’s because I’ve lost a fair bit of weight this year? Having weighed as much as 105kg (overweight on a 175cm heigh frame) I managed to get back down to a healthier, though still overweight 85kg by May. And then by June I was down to 82kg. By late August, I realised the key to my own personal weight loss has been giving up (pretty much) soft-drink. “You must have drunk a lot of soft-drink?” people have said when I’ve offered that reason. The answer is partly true, along with bad eating habits, too much alcohol and a lack of exercise. Who would have thought the combination of those few things could lead to obesity? :):)
In the back of my mind, I think the weight loss may have also been because it’s been a couple of years of thinking about my own mortality and that of others. Gloria died eighteen months ago, and this year, a close friend has had ongoing health problems. Thinking ahead, at the age of forty-five, I went to a financial advisor for a mid-life top up discussion, and soon afterwards decided it was time to make a will.
It’s also been as year of transitions. Work-wise, for example, it’s been an amazing and satisfying year. I started the year with a new job, and then with a request to take on some additional duties (with extra pay), and I’ve found both challenges really interesting and rewarding. I think my new job(s) really play to my skills and experience too. There’s some things I’m quite good at, and other things I’m not so good at, and it now seems like I have job which is 85% of the former and 15% of the latter.
Also this year, we wound up the art collector’s group called “Hawkesbury One” that I’ve been involved in for the last decade. In June, we had an exhibition of our collection at the Newcastle Regional Gallery. Towards the end of August, the group wound up officially, as per our original agreement. It was sad in many ways, but as with all things, there’s a time to move on.
Hawkesbury One
Transition years are like that, aren’t they? You gain enthusiasm for some things and lose entusiasm for others. In the last few months of the year I’ve found it difficult to keep up my studies in Swedish. A whole bunch of work commitments got in the way of attending class for quite some time, and then without the motivating factor of attending class, I haven’t been practising as much as I could or should. I’ll be returning to class in January which I’m looking forward to very much.
In the last few months of the year, I also lost a bit of enthusiasm, for maintaining this blog. For the last three or four years I’ve been writing something every day. However in the last few months I’ve sometimes struggled to write something even weekly. Mostly I’ve been either too tired on arriving home from work, or feeling I don’t really have anything interesting to say. I will endeavour to keep writing, as it’s something which gives me a great deal of pleasure.
I also put this lack of enthusiasm down to a couple of bouts of depression this year. It’s something I’ve lived with most of my life, and mostly I keep things in check, and I never really talk about it. But from time to time, I don’t feel so good about myself, and as my personal self-esteem plummets, I tend to lose a bit of interest in many things. Things seem to be back on track at the moment, which is good.
In a few months time it will be exactly ten years since I started this blog. My first blog entry, on April 27, 2002 was as follows…
It’s late Saturday night. I still haven’t packed, I still haven’t organised the house, but I have set up an Online Diary, so I can record all of my thoughts and feelings while living in the Northern Territory. I hope this period will be a significant one in my life. A real turning point. The last few months I’ve felt a little directionless. I hope this will give me the strength to make a new life.
The entry was reference to the fact I’d been “dumped” in the weeks prior to Christmas, which apparently is quite common.
Thankfully I don’t feel that way anymore. Well, not always :)
Best of all this year? The family is starting to talk about stuff.
They’ve been “testing” the new light rail (trams) in Surry Hills for about three months now. Though infrequent at the beginning, I live close enough to the tracks to notice the “ding ding” sounds have become more frequent. At night, sometimes they’ve been as regular as every ten to fifteen minutes. The rumble of the light rail also indicated to me, they’ve been running through at a much faster pace.
And so last night I ventured out with a fold up chair and a glass of wine to sit and wait for them to come through. I waited and waited. Clearly I’d left it too late, as the only thing I managed to spot was the infamous Surry Hills rabbit.
I don’t know who owns it, but apparently, this rabbit wanders out at night by itself to graze on some the nearby foliage.I also noticed there’s a “For Lease” sign on the outside of “The Book Kitchen”, a terrific cafe forced out of business by the light rail construction.
After waiting for about an hour, I packed my bags went to bed.
As I wandered home from my regular Wednesday night routine – Swedish class, then catching up with mates at the pub – I took a peak through the window at Cossie’s.
Cossie’s is a cafe that’s operated for as long as I’ve lived in Surry Hills. It’s never been glamorous. It’s never been fashionable. But they do an EXCELLENT Club Sandwich. A meal I’ve been missing over the last few months as they’ve been closed for renovations.
The hoardings came down last weekend (I think), and since then the windows have been covered in newspaper. But there are gaps so you can look in.
To be honest, I’m not sure I could see much difference as I had a look through the window. The walls appear to have been painted. The floor looked a little different. They appear to have done some work on the window frames.
But otherwise, it looked like Cossie’s always has: an unpretentious, regular, local cafe. That said, it hasn’t been without its share of glitterati: I saw Blanche d’Apulget there once.
I’m looking forward to the re-open.
Otherwise, it’s been a reasonably unremarkable day. I woke late, got to work a little late. Went to Swedish class – which was very enjoyable tonight – and then caught up with mates at the pub. That’s enough for a Wednesday surely?
I had a brief cry when I watched an old family video this week. There were so many people in the video – even quite young people – who are no longer with us. When I shared the complete video with extended family, I warned them they might cry. But hopefully, they might laugh as well.
Going through a box of old videos I discovered a VHS called “Home 96 / Dreamworld” which I’ve had digitised. I knew exactly what “Dreamworld” meant: it was shot in the early 80s when some extended family visited the theme park on the Gold Coast. I shot the video, and appear only briefly in it as a teenage boy.
Family video from mid 1980s. Gloria O’Brien/ Pepper and Edna Dunn / Ianna
I didn’t really know what “Home 96” referred to, as it’s at least 25 years since we’ve watched the video. I haven’t had a VHS machine for years!
Additionally, there was a bit of mould on the videotape. So it was necessary to track down someone who could safely remove the mould and digitise the video. After a fair bit of research, I found https://movingmemories.com.au/ a small company in Earlwood, where the owner Emmanuelle did an awesome job restoring the tape. Restoration and digitisation cost $75.
As I watched “Home 96”, memories came flooding back of a return visit to Lismore in August 1996, and a brief visit to family in Brisbane. So many faces, so many people no longer with us. Chatting with a younger family member who recently had a baby, I asked him “Is that you as the baby?” to which he replied, “No I wasn’t born then”.
Family video from 1996
Even though video recordings are everywhere these days, thanks to mobile phones, I think these are the only two videos of our family which exist from that era, so they’re very special. And so pleased I made the effort to have them digitised.
Lots of younger family members who were born around the time of these videos, or even after, have written notes of thanks for making the effort. They’ve also admitted to a few tears, seeing our family from all those years ago.
For a brief moment, tonight, I thought about calling this blog post “Little Boys”, but then I very quickly realised in this day and age that probably wasn’t such a good thing to do. The truth is, in my family at least, and probably in lots of other Australian families, “cocktail frankfurts” have been fairly regularly referred to as “Little Boys”. I don’t think I need to explain the reason why.
Cocktail frankfurts are the shorter version of a saveloy. At this stage, I should point out the phrase, “fair suck of the saveloy” is also a commonly used phrase in Australia. Even our former Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd was known to use the phrase. We’re are truly an odd country, aren’t we?
Saveloys can turn up in many different incarnations including as “hot dogs”, “dagwood dogs” and “pluto pups”. In America, they’re probably deep fried, also. All of the above are “cooked versions” of the saveloy which, for as long as I’ve known, can also be consumed “raw”. Or at least that’s what I thought until I went to the supermarket earlier today.
Cocktail Frankfurts
Yes, this morning when I went to the supermarket and ordered “half a kilo of cocktail frankfurts”, I looked down at the delicatessen shelf and noticed, for the very first time, a sign for both cocktail frankfurts and saveloys saying “these must be cooked before consumption”. I was a little surprised by the sign as I’ve been consuming both saveloys and cocktail frankfurts in the raw form for most of my life. I’ve eaten them cooked as well, but I was never aware they “needed” to be cooked until today.
So of course, I went online and asked the question, “do cocktail frankfurts need to be cooked?” As I discovered, there’s a variety of opinions…
There is no need to cook cocktail franks and they are just like most cold meats in that they are ready to eat as is. However, with franks it is preferable to eat them heated, so a short dip in some hot ,but not boiling water for about 2 mins would work well.
Used to eat them raw all the time. But they taste better heated with some nice rich tomato sauce.
Cheerios (I live in QLD :)) can be eaten raw with no (apparent) health concerns… Used to eat a dozen raw at a time when I was a little kid.
They do taste ALOT better cooked for just a couple of mins in boiling water though.
Cheerios (QLD) can be eaten cold (usually eaten as finger food at parties). Frankfurts (the longer ones, usually used in hot dogs) should be cooked.
So there you go… the consensus is they taste better when they’re cooked, but they’re okay to eat raw (as I have done for forty-something years).
“When was the last time you had a blood-pressure check?”, the optometrist asked me after he looked into my eyes with the torch.
“Why, is there something to worry about?”, I asked him. I then told him I had an operation a few months ago, had my blood pressure taken, and was told there was nothing to worry about “for a man of my age”.
“A lot of people naturally have higher blood pressure, but it’s something I noticed which might be worth checking”, the optometrist told me.
A day later, I’m still thinking about what he said. It was possibly the best visit to the optometrist I’ve ever had. Most visits have involved a quick case of “identify the blurry letters”, and then being sent out to select new frames. But the guy yesterday morning was really thorough.
He even added a few tips along the way about using multifocals. “If you’re using a screen, you might find reading glasses are better than multifocals”, he told me. Today, I tried it, and he was right due to the focal range. It was clearer!
And yes, I have selected some new frames!! :) I recently got a pay-rise so I’ve gone a little “upmarket” this time. I’ve gone blue, not black this time, too.
The visit to the optometrist was a timely reminder that I’m getting older.
Another reminder is getting in my pyjamas earlier and earlier every night. Crochet rug by Pat
I’m also currently taking part in a series of meetings at work about superannuation and retirement. I think I’m okay, financially speaking, though still open to the idea of “marrying up”. All reasonable offers will be considered. :)
Though many family members have had retirement “forced” upon them (due to illness), I’m not feeling that way right now. I turn 57 at the end of the year, and my plan has been, and continues to be, to retire from full-time work at 60. I’m in a defined benefit superannuation scheme, and that’s when my benefit “matures”. If I was made redundant in the next couple of years I could access the superannuation pension, but right now 60 seems like a good age.
I don’t have children, and it’s highly unlikely I ever will, and so the desire to leave a massive inheritance behind isn’t a motivation. It’s all about having a good next part of my life.
Earlier today on Twitter, a colleague commented “So have you heard about “quiet quitting”? it’s where you don’t outright quit your job, but you quit the idea you should go over and above what your job actually is.. “ My reply was “When you reach that stage, it might be time to make room for someone else”
I’m already stepping back from a few things at work and mentoring a few people for the sake of their own careers, and to make sure I don’t leave the ABC and take all of my years of knowledge with me.
I’m pretty clear in my mind that, for me, retirement from full-time work involves volunteer work around some of the things that really interest me, including historical research, and likely helping develop the next generation of people with an interest in radio. And likely helping with family and friends. I don’t think I want to be a “paid consultant”, I just want to make a contribution.
The last few years have reminded me I don’t have so much of an ego that I feel like I’m irreplaceable. There’s an amazing generation of people coming through. Though there will be some people who will miss me when I retire, I think it’s also likely I’ll soon be forgotten for my work. “Oh year, whatever happened to him? Isn’t he living on some hippie commune at Nimbin?” they might likely say.
And besides, you never know what tomorrow might bring.
Coffee and cake (gluten-free brownies) on Crown Street, Surry Hills
PS – the new glasses
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You can’t be expected to know how every little thing in your life will turn out. You made the effort this time and it paid off.
You can’t be expected to know how every little thing in your life will turn out. You made the effort this time and it paid off.
Always give it a try!