“The people of Stockholm are happy again”, I said to Sandra over a glass of wine at Linje 10, a rather groovy bar at Hornstull.
It was actually the second time I’d been in the area, as I’d also been there around lunchtime for a bit of a wander and a spontaneous haircut and beard-trim.
“Having a haircut and a beard trim is far too serious to leave to the Swedish language skills of a five year old”, I told her of my experience earlier in the day. Unfortunately the English language skills of the woman doing the trimming weren’t all that good either, and so we relied upon a bit of my Swedish, a bit of her English, and the translation skills of another customer.
In the afternoon I also went for a bit of a wander around the city, and everywhere you could sense the happiness the people of Stockholm were feeling with the weather. I’ve only been here for a month, but they’ve had to endure five or six months (probably more) of quite dark, dreary weather. Thankfully since I’ve been in Stockholm there have been mostly blue skies every day.
But today was an exceptional day. It was the first day I’ve actually felt a little bit hot. For a while I even had a little lie down in the park (and a snooze). Elsewhere, the outdoor restaurants and bars were quite full, as people took advantage of the return of “outdoors weather”.
“There was laughter on the trains”, I told Sandra. Normally, the public transport system as an eery silence to it, but today there was laughter and conversation.
“The best month is May”, Sandra told me, adding, “Right up until mid-summer everyone is feeling good, and the weather’s great, and after mid-summer is when they all disappear to the country”.
“Should I stay a little longer?”, I wondered out loud.
There was a time not so long ago when I used to host an annual Eurovision Song Contest party. A whole bunch of us would gather together. We had score sheets. We had trophies. We had snack food based around different European cuisines. We revelled in the trashiness of it all. We constantly tried to outdo each other with smart-arse, bitchy comments. As the years went on I felt less inclined to hold these parties. There was a certain sameness to it every year. The longer the contest, the more difficult it became to go to work on the Monday morning. But the killer for me was I started to take Eurovision seriously.
I started to see through the “trashiness” of it all, what I call the “Woganification” of Eurovision, to see something really worthwhile and enjoyable, that you could enjoy without the need to trash it. I used to love Terry Wogan’s commentary, but over the last few years I’ve begun to realise the really negative impact he’s had on Eurovision in the UK directly, and in Australia indirectly. In the UK, his constant trashing of the entries (with a heavy dose of UK-centrism and some degree of xenophobia) has indirectly led to a situation where the contest isn’t taken seriously, and why they keep putting up such awful acts, in my view. Indirectly, the years of his commentary being shown in Australia has led to something similar: a situation where Eurovision is defined in the public discourse only through the glitter, the camp, the trashy.
I’m not denying the glitter, the camp, and the trashy (as they’re elements of Eurovision I really love), but I’ve become increasingly disenchanted with the half-arsed lame, sledging comments on places like Twitter. Every many (with a Twitter account) and his dog watching Eurovision seems to think they’re the funniest new comedian or bitchiest new drag queen on the block. I’m also completely sick and tired of the SBS coverage where it’s become the Sam and Julia show. The killer for me, this year, was during the second semi-final when they actually began making comments OVER the song.
So this year I decided to avoid all of the shenanigans of a Sunday night watching the delayed SBS commentary. Instead, I got up early yesterday morning and watched the live coverage from SVT. As it was in real-time I didn’t have to worry about the stupid all day Sunday media blockout, avoiding the results. I also got to enjoy a coverage which was amusing and with affection, and where the commentators didn’t speak over the top of the songs, nor over the top of important parts of the show, and where it wasn’t all about them.
With that rant out of the way, these were my Top 3 this year.
1/ The Winner – Conchita Wurst : A great song, performed with passion, and with a great novelty act.
2/ The Wooden Spoon – Twin Twin : Despite the fact this song finished last, I thought it was great fun, had a good tune, and I really loved the fact it was the only song in the final not in English. This is the video version, by the way, since their live performance was rather dull, and out of tune.
3/ Sweden (of course) – Sanna Nielson : I actually think the song is rather boring, but when you support Team Sweden, you have to support the team.
Having been to Melodifestivalen (the Swedish finals) on a couple of occasions over the last few years, where the Swedes take it seriously, where they genuinely try to compete with a great song and a great performance, and where the public really looks up to those who enter the contest, I’ve begun to realise there’s another way of seeing Eurovision. It’s the difference between laughing WITH them (which is what the Europeans do) rather than AT them (which is what the UK and Australians seem to do).
“Are you still here?”, I was asked earlier today by a former colleague from Sydney, now living near Lismore. “Do you really think I’d be heading back to Sydney right now?”, I replied.
Every day, there are several hundred new cases in Sydney, and every day most of the new cases involve people who have been infectious out and about in the community.
Every day I try to go out and about for a walk, sticking to the rules and weating a mask. It’s nice to get out of the house, and it’s important to try to “walk off” some of the many apple turnovers I’ve consumed from nearby Bowen’s Cake Shop!
Along the way I try to take some lovely photographs. Here are some photographs taken along the riverbank.
I’m not normally one for these meme thingys, but this one on Cellobella’s blog caught my attention. Maybe it’s because I’m sitting in a youth hostel in Prague uploading photographs and have nothing better than to do with my time. I mean, I am composing a blog in my mind about the fascinating people around me (there’s a Phd in it, I swear), but in the meantime…
You Are Chardonnay
Fresh, spirited, and classic – you have many facets to your personality.
You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.
You have a little bit of something to offer everyone… no wonder you’re so popular.
Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).
Deep down you are: Dependable and modest
Your partying style: Understated and polite
Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat
Yvette and I caught up for lunch at a nearby Chinese and shared life-stories. It seems like both of us are in a reasonably good place at the moment.
And then tonight, Damien and I caught up for dinner. Initially, we had a small bite to eat at Agave, the new Mexican place I mentioned the other week, and then at Yulli’s my favourite small bar in Surry Hills.
It’s great, isn’t it, to have one of those really great days when you get to catch up with people you’ve known so well for so long?
Oh, and I bought a couple of tickets for the forthcoming performance of Forbidden Broadway in Sydney.
I had a really yummy meal tonight at Snakebean, a great little cafe/take-away on Oxford Street. It was a lotus root salad, with pork and prawns (with a small amount of accompanying rice). Accompanied by a glass of Pinot Grigio, it was the perfect end to a long and busy day that was book-ended by an early start and Swedish class from 6-8pm.
And like most meals, these days, I ate this meal alone. I know meals are supposed to be about sharing and celebration and all that stuff, but I actually quite enjoy eating alone.
Of course admitting to that is a bit of a taboo. I was chatting today, for example, with a colleague who is in Sydney for a couple of weeks. When I asked her how she was going, she said it was very strange for her to have to eat alone. “I felt like a total loser, so I went back to my hotel room”.
It was then I told her how often I happily eat alone. There’s a local pizza place, I told her, where I often go to on the weekend. Armed with a copy of the newspaper – usually “The Weekend Australian” – I walk in, order a glass of house white, a pizetta, and read the arts pages and the inquirer section. I’m like a pig in mud, in many ways, doing three of the things I enjoy most – reading, eating and drinking.
And it’s not just in Sydney that I’ll do this. A few years ago, visiting Tamworth, I found myself sitting alone at the bistro at the local pub. I’d worked a long hard day and I was absolutely bloody exhausted. It was one of those pubs where they offer you the opportunity to cook the steak yourself. To be honest, I can’t see the sense in paying $20 for a steak that you have to cook yourself. So when they asked me for my order, I said, “I’ll have anything I don’t have to cook myself”. I had a schnitzel, or something, as I recall. Sitting by myself and reading the newspaper, I was having a great old time. It was obviously all too odd for the staff, however, who kept coming up to me asking if I was okay, and did I want some company. Very sweet in a way, but also very annoying. You could see in their eyes the confusion they had in seeing a bloke seemingly enjoying sitting all by himself.
Surely there must be hundreds of salesmen who would pass through the pub each year who would be all by themselves? On the way home tonight I noticed most of the restaurants on Crown Street had at least two or three lone men enjoying dinner. “Sooner or later”, to misquote Cher, “…we all eat alone”.
I had a wonderful opportunity today to share my personal journey with over 400 professionals in the disability sector at an online conference. It was especially meaningful because a former colleague, now working with the organization, invited me to speak after following my story.
While regular readers of this blog may be familiar with my experiences, I wanted to share it here as a way of introducing it to a new audience. Rather than simply focusing on my own story, I invited the viewers to imagine themselves acquiring a disability later in life, something that happens to many people.
I think this allowed for a more engaging and thought-provoking discussion about disability awareness and inclusion.
This is a photograph of me taken a few months ago. I’m a late 50s male, with a bald head and dark glasses. I’m seated on an older office chair. The photographs was inspired by the famous 1960s photograph of Christine Keller, except I have my clothes on. I’m wearing shorts, and I have a lower right limb amputation.
The reality is something like 8,000 people in Australia every year undergo some form of amputation, and so my story isn’t unique.
But I feel privileged to be able to tell the story to you today on behalf of many other people who can’t.
But enough of me, I’d like you to imagine yourself in a similar position.
Close your eyes for a moment. Take a deep breath, feel the ground beneath you, the steady rhythm of your own heartbeat. If you’re able-bodied, imagine the familiar ease with which you move through the world, the effortless grace of your stride, the way your body responds to your every command. The simple act of walking, of running, of dancing – these are movements you take for granted.
Now, hold onto that feeling, that sense of wholeness, and imagine it changing. Imagine a life-altering event, an accident, an illness, a sudden twist of fate that disrupts the familiar rhythm of your existence. You’re going about your day, and then, in a flash, everything changes.
Perhaps you’re driving home from work, and a distracted driver runs a red light, colliding with your car. Or maybe you’re hiking on a favorite trail when you lose your footing and fall, sustaining a severe injury. It could be a diagnosis, cancer, or a medical condition that slowly robs you of your physical abilities. For me, it was a cut foot, an infection that went terribly wrong with sepsis, combined with undiagnosed diabetes that put me into a coma.
My story started when I visited Vietnam and Cambodia in June 2023.
I’d like to share with you a short video I shot at Angkor Watt. In the video there are three men seated in a pontoon, playing music. To the left and right of them, there are crutches, and on the right-hand side, there is one man with a prosthetic limb.
I love many of the things about this video, including the music, and the way it perhaps was a sign for me of my future.
Cambodia is a country with hundreds of thousands of people who are amputees, largely due to the land mines planted there during the civil war.
The men in the video don’t have access to the public health and disability services we do in Australia, and that’s been a constant reminder to me in the 18 months since my own amputation.
But let’s get back to you. You’ve found yourself in hospital.
After a few days in a coma you wake u, the world around you is hazy and disorienting, thanks to the AWESOME drugs you’re on,
Your vision clears, and you see concerned faces hovering above you – family, friends, medical professionals. They tell you about the accident, the injury, the surgery. The words wash over you, their meaning slow to register.
And then, the news that changes everything. Your niece, her eyes red and filled with a mixture of sadness and relief, tells you that surgeons had to amputate your lower right leg. Your mind struggles to grasp the reality of the situation – but that’s probably just the drugs!
This next video was shot a week or so later, and I’m still on some pretty serious pain relief.
I asked my niece to shoot the video after she had posted on Facebook that I was in hospital, surrounded by friends and family, and receiving the best of care. I came pretty close to dying, and that’s the message friends received from the post, so I was determined to show them there was plenty of life in me yet.
Days turn into weeks, and the news gives way to a rollercoaster of emotions. Denial, anger, sadness, acceptance – they come in waves, sometimes overwhelming you/ You grapple with the loss of your limb, the loss of a part of yourself that you never imagined living without.
The hospital becomes your world. You undergo countless tests, undertake physiotherapy, and learn to walk again.
In this video, I’m walking between bars at the hospital, well hopping really.
Hopping
Importantly at this point, you get a random phone call from a bloke from an organisation called Limbs For Life. His name is Clay, he’s a few years younger than you, but his story is remarkably familiar. You realise you’re not the only one.
Many people know someone with an amputation, many don’t, so I thought I’d share this closeup photograph of my stump. In the photograph you’ll see a wound which was still healing.
You will also notice my leg is reasonably hairy, and the one of the things I need to remain constantly aware of is ingrown hairs.
As the wound began to heal, it was soon time to think about a prosthetic.
This photograph shows the process of getting a prosthetic to match my leg. This photograph shows the connection between my leg and the prosthetic socket.
Walking with my prosthetic for the first time.
Finally, after months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, you’re discharged. You return home, but it’s not the same. On the first night, a friend stays with you, and after a while she’s supporting you, as you sob, unsure if you can cope with this new reality.
When you’re in a wheelchair, stairs become seemingly insurmountable obstacles. You worry about what you might do if the lift stops working.
You venture out into the world, tentatively at first, and then with growing confidence. You’re walking down the street, the familiar rhythm of your steps replaced by the unfamiliar click-clack of your prosthetic leg. You catch your reflection in a shop window, and there it is – a glint of polished metal where your leg used to be.
This is your new reality, a reality experienced by thousands of people every year, a reality that could just as easily become anyone’s. In Australia alone, roughly 8,000 people undergo amputations annually, with diabetes-related amputations being the fastest-growing cause of acquired physical disability in Australia.
You realise quickly, the importance of connecting with other people in similar circumstances.
This is a recent gathering of people in Sydney who are part of the Limbs for Life Facebook Group, a national charity providing peer support and advice.This year I’ve also been trying to find a sport I can play, including in this photograph wheelchair basketball.
The main thing I noticed, and maybe you would too, is the world operates in a different way when you have a physical disability.
You see the uneven footpaths, the lack of ramps and accessible entrances, the stairs that seem to loom everywhere. You notice the best access points around town are at the poker machine rooms – always good for people in wheelchairs. You write a letter to your local council for the first time EVER, advocating for better accessibility in your community.
You also notice the stares, the whispers, the well-meaning but sometimes awkward attempts at assistance. Children point and ask questions of their parents, their curiosity unfiltered. Adults avert their gaze, unsure how to interact with you. You learn to navigate these social encounters with a mix of patience, humor, and sometimes, a touch of defiance.
Public transportation becomes a source of both frustration and anxiety. You struggle to board buses and trains, the narrow aisles and lack of space making it difficult to maneuver with your prosthetic leg. Drivers, impatient and often unaware of your needs, sometime take off before you’ve had a chance to sit down properly, nearly causing you to fall.
The fear of falling, of being thrown off balance, becomes a constant companion. You find yourself relying on the kindness of strangers, hoping that someone will offer you their seat. And sometimes, they do. But sometimes, they don’t. You have to summon up the courage to ask, to assert your needs in a world that often overlooks them.
You encounter those who occupy the designated disability seats, their eyes glued to their mobile phones, seemingly oblivious to the world around them. You wonder if they will ever understand the challenges you face. Maybe when they’re older, maybe when they’re heavily pregnant.
You set goals for yourself, determined to reclaim your life and your independence.
One of the things you often hear about is walking 10,000 steps a day. You realise that’s a pretty unrealistic goal, and so when the radio station you work at, encourages everyone to walk that much, you decide it’s time for a bit of public education.
You return to work part-time after about five months, incredibly grateful for the support of your colleagues over the last few months, the cards, the visits, the wishes,, but also acutely aware of the added physical and mental demands you now face.
Simple tasks that once seemed effortless now require twice the effort. The fatigue is relentless. You say to the boss, “I need to have a nap in the afternoon, but I wouldn’t be the only manager who has ever done that???”. He laughs in recognition.
You wonder if you’re still valued, if your colleagues see you the same way they did before. You notice the subtle changes in the way some of them behave, the way they sometimes talk to you more slowly, as if you’ve somehow become less capable, and not just because of your physical changes.
But you also experience unexpected moments of connection, the shared understanding with others who are also amputees You discover someone at work who you’ve known for 20 years is also an amputee, though you’ve never noticed before. You get a message from another colleague who is a Paralympian, offering you tips and advice about prosthetic limbs, and offering to go for a swim with you. Hey, she’s a Paralympic swimmer!!!
You meet a woman at the bar who recognizes you from rehabilitatio, when you were there with her mother. You meet a man on the tram who offers you his seat with a knowing smile, as the person next to him is also an Amputee. You meet a woman at a busy bar offers you a seat and later, lifts her dress to reveal her own prosthetic limb.
These encounters, often unexpected and deeply moving, are a reminder that you’re not alone on this journey. They remind you that there is strength in shared experience, that you are part of a community that understands your struggles and celebrates your triumphs.
You discover a resilience you never knew you possessed. You develop empathy for others, an appreciation for the small victories, the ability to find humor.
You learn to navigate a world that wasn’t necessarily built for you, to advocate for yourself, to embrace your new reality. You discover a hidden community of amputees, each with their own unique story of resilience and adaptation. You find strength in their stories, inspiration in their triumphs, and comfort in their shared understanding.
This is a journey that anyone could face. An accident, an illness, a sudden twist of fate – life can change in an instant. And when it does, we are all capable of incredible strength, resilience, and adaptation.
But we can also disappear into dark spaces, overwhelmed by the challenges and the complexities of navigating a world that wasn’t designed for you.
The world of disability support, with its bureaucracy and its endless forms, can be daunting for many people, especially for those who lack the skills or the resources to advocate for themselves.
I feel lucky to have the communication skills to be able to tell my story and advocate on my own behalf, but also recognise I’ve met many others who don’t have that experience.
So please keep an eye out for people who might need your help a little bit more, who might not always be able to advocate on their own behalf.
PS – I received some lovely comments.
Thanks for such an informative presentation. Lots of work apparent – and the bonus is it was fun.
Thank you, James for sharing your experience. Great presentation [that] demonstrates exercising choice and control!
Wow James, what a change in your life you’ve had to undertake. Well done for not giving up and using your traumatic experience to encourage, educate and inspire others to not give up – adversity and resilience. Thank you for sharing your journey. It is great to see you have overcome challenges and are using you own experience to help others.
You are phenomenal James!! Thank you for sharing your journey.. Keep trekking on!!!
Thank you for a very informative and inspiring session.
Thank you, James for your truth. Go forth and live, laugh and love.
Like this:
LikeLoading…
Related
4 Comments
The one and only time to date that I have visited Sweden was back in 1975 and I was stunned to find on arrival in Stockholm that the temperature was 98º F. That was in May, as I recall. I never imagined it could get so hot in Sweden.
Further proof that whenever I’m in Stockholm it’s blue skies and a sunny disposition, and as soon as I leave it starts to snow. I’ve arrived in Iceland this afternoon and it’s a balmy 6 degrees and blue skies here also.
The one and only time to date that I have visited Sweden was back in 1975 and I was stunned to find on arrival in Stockholm that the temperature was 98º F. That was in May, as I recall. I never imagined it could get so hot in Sweden.
Yup. You should stay for midsummer.
By the way, it’s been snowing all day here! Big, fat snowflakes. You would have loved it.
Further proof that whenever I’m in Stockholm it’s blue skies and a sunny disposition, and as soon as I leave it starts to snow. I’ve arrived in Iceland this afternoon and it’s a balmy 6 degrees and blue skies here also.